I grew up in Honduras and met Jesus there. I loved my faith. I wanted to tell people about Jesus all the time. I threw my whole life into growing the Kingdom.

In 2013, I moved to New York with my family where I started college and immediately after a Masters degree program.

I wanted to find my place in this new home but it felt like the only way to be in New York is to do as the world does… Go drink, party, drugs, etc. Before I knew it, that was my life. My weekends were prioritized by hanging out with friends and spending time where they were. 

I stopped making time to pray. I stopped going to mass. I stopped being Catholic. 

But something always felt missing. It didn’t feel right. Every time I walked away from an experience, I felt off. It felt wrong. And I did some stuff I really regret and it stayed with me.

I tried to make excuses that I was busy with school but really, I had had available weekends and time, I just dedicated it to other things. And things I regretted. I was clearly uncomfortable with it. I was a person I didn’t want to be. This man in the reflection was not truly me. It made me miss my old life.

I felt like I was attaining and achieving but toward nothing. I was popular, people liked me, and they admired what I did but… I knew that it was not going to fulfill me. It was a good life but mediocre to what I knew God had for my life, because I had gotten a taste of it before. I felt meaningless without Christ. 

Seven years later, I was graduating from my Masters program. I started thinking about how I wanted to celebrate this big life moment. 

I remembered my previous birthday… It was celebrated in a regretful way. And now that I was graduating, my birthday was also coming up and I didn't want to celebrate any of it the same way… How do I celebrate these things in a way that I don’t regret? Would my new friends even celebrate with me if I did it differently or would I be all alone? 

The Church is where I had once felt belonging. In Honduras, I felt home in my Catholic community. I felt proud and satisfied with my life there. I felt so joyful and like living for Jesus was what I was meant for. I missed that. But I didn’t even know if something like that could exist in New York.

This is when I decided to Google, “Catholic events in New York City”. 

The first Google result I got was an upcoming young adult mass at Saint Patrick’s Cathedral. I decided I wanted to go to go to confession to then have the Eucharist after such a long time. But as soon as I decided to go, I battled every kind of excuse: “You’re this, you’re that, what are you going to say, what language are you even going to speak—you don’t even know the prayers in English.”

But I just kept pushing through and fighting it: “I am going to Confession no matter what.” 

This felt like a chance to start again. I wanted Catholic community and coming back, I knew the first logical thing to do—clean your soul. I knew it would lead me to Catholic community again.

I won the battle inside my head and dragged myself there against the excuses. 

After Mass, I went to the confession line but it was so long after the Mass ended and the confession line closed.

It was the one reason I came in and I didn’t get to confess. 

They closed the night by having a social after at a pub nearby for young people like me. I went but was deeply regretting I didn’t get the one thing I had come for.

Then in the middle of this bar, I saw a man stand up on a chair and say, 

“If someone here didn’t get a chance to confession, we are still doing it in the bar.” 

I couldn’t believe it. They had put two tables in a corner. It was crazy; people were around talking and having a drink and a priest was sitting there taking confession.

I went over right away and sat down with Father Cristiano. I couldn’t believe it again—one of the first things he asked me was, “what language would you like to speak?” One of my biggest hurdles and excuses for coming to confession was being addressed right then and there. 

He gave me the chance to choose a language and we started speaking in Spanish. I opened up completely. I didn’t leave anything out. It was overwhelming but I had no guards and no defenses. I told him everything. I was overwhelmed with shame… Of the person I had become all condensed in one conversation. But mostly I was overwhelmed by his kindness and wisdom. He invited me to his Shalom Catholic Community.

When I walked away that day, I felt renewed, and glad, and I was crying. As I was visibly moved, a friend I had met previously, asked how I was. I told her in summary about this amazing confession experience. She was moved as well and asked me if I wanted to join her community. It was the same one that the priest had just invited me to! I took it as a confirmation and firmly decided to go as soon as I could.

I felt belonging almost instantly. The whole community invited me in. I met the first missionary from Shalom there and we had a very long conversation. She wanted me to feel comfortable for my first time being back at church. She made sure to keep me company throughout the night. Not only did she hear what I had to say but she shared her life as well. I was so amazed at her missionary life and what it entails. The choice to be poor. To leave their profession behind. I saw in her a reflection and echo of the Acts of the Apostles. It was incredible.

My experience in Honduras was new. I had just found Christ. It was exciting but I didn’t have deep knowledge of the faith yet… I didn’t know the depths of my faith. It was a pure stage. I knew I had a love for Christ. I had known Him. He was by far the coolest person I had ever met. But it was just the beginning. As I came to the U.S., and I returned to the faith, I discovered a thirst for deeper knowledge and more understanding. A deeper way of engaging my faith. I began to see how dedication leads to knowing God more, and it’s a beautiful thing.